WEEK ?¿?¿-Starting over Rant (Just let me)

Today I will live my 11,666th day. I will begin it at the bottom.. once again.. Today I think of the minutes… the hours…the days and the weeks ..I rose and fell to bring me back to this moment in my life. I realize that it’s probably the thousandth time of picking myself up and putting myself back in the drivers seat…

I became a recluse and retreated back into the dark side of my mind.. (becoming Darth Panda) I gave into self pity, blame, and the familiar feeling of loneliness.. Found myself reaching out to a suicide hotline so I wouldn’t take my life.. gosh darn they do a tremendous job of listening and making people feel like a human being…

I have expressed many times in my blog how I am trying to rewire my brain to undo what was programmed in me when I was a little panda… gosh darn is it hard but someone told me hard isn’t the same thing as impossible…

The cement I chipped off resurfaced then I felt I was encased in a ball of cement on top of everything…But I realize it’s due to my self sabotaging behavior and lack of self acceptance.. I just want to express that here so I can get the ball rolling again.

Today I live my 11,666th day and I am going to my second meeting of codependents anonymous. This trait I know is really fucking up my life… I want awareness to be a strength and not feel like a severe abnormality in my self. So there is nothing wrong with gaining more tools to help me reach the enlightenment that I truly want in my heart..

The Master Key Experience is a great program that I was just going to store away in my tool box with the other things that didn’t work.. but you know what? It’s what I keep going back to.. I feel it is the Key 🔑 and I will eventually get it right! It is a key to freedom..and when I get it right I will join like minded people in Kauai! I have only belittled my goal of having peace of mind and happiness.. Today I’m kind to myself and allow myself to go down that path once again what I want and to reach who I truly am..

Today I live my 11,666th day.

Thanks for reading


Crystal Ann Magaña

WEEK 7- The Program Lingers

I had been installing the new program for more then 30 days… but the  computer in my mind stalled .. and it had been malfunctioning for the past two weeks to be honest and I slowly stopped reading and stopped sitting. I stopped going to bed early. I guess I had given in to the old blue print for a bit. BUT!!!  This past week I went to see  live music. I love live music! As I watched the bands set up…The stage setups were oddly geometric! I’m talking green triangle, red circle, blue retangle, and yellow square odd! I swear my mind lit up like a light…(they were literal lights lol) It made me laugh  and smile. I explained to my friend about the shapes and colors from the Master Keys…. his child like excitement brought out mine.  Then we pointed out every shape in the right color throughout the whole night! ……It really was a loving surprise. The universe likes to remind me a lot. I am truly amazed by my brain and I finally saw how the exercises have helped me fire and wire …I felt the association of shapes and colors with my Definite Major Purpose in life… it gave me hope. It revived me!

I am just at a crossroads really …and I know there will be many of them  along the way while walking into the unknown!

Anyways, the following day I turned on my laptop and made my recordings of my blue print builder… DMP…Greastest salesman…. Affirmations….giving and receiving card…the songs I read to were  “Austin Powers- Theme Song” because it always makes me giggle… The Four Seasons-Concerto No. 2 in G Minor, RV 315 “Summer” to stimulate my intellect so I tell myself lol… “Happy” by Pharrell because its one of those happy feely bubblegum songs… “The Nightmare Before Christmas opening instrumental/ This is Halloween instumental” because they are some one of my favorites and finally some upbeat Ukulele music because it soothes me.

I don’t want to make failure a habit! So here I go again ready for week 8 thanks for reading….

I pass this mural everyday on my way home from work…I finally stopped to take a pic with it.. because it brings me joy! Have a great week everybody!


Crystal Ann Magaña

Pandagirl 🐼🐼🐼

WEEK 6- Testing Patience

I am willing to release the need to be unworthy. I am worthy of the best in life and I lovingly allow myself to accept it…. this affirmation has been on my mind a lot this week and it has helped me persevere. I started this week a little late and almost considered giving up.. I am getting laid off at work and relationships around me seem to be falling apart left and right.. Aside from the mental distractions I also had an allergic reaction to something that caused my whole body to break out. This week was very trying to say the least lol BUT I honestly know everything happens for a reason….this is the life part people always talk about lol

I just got around to listening to the webinar yesterday and let me tell you …it got me right back on track. I took out my vision board from last year added to it and my DMP came to the forefront in my mind. I busted out my watch that I taped a compass to and remembered what time it was! Half past bliss! <<<< time

If you couldn’t tell I kinda wear my heart on my sleeve and people often notice… a stranger stopped me and said “you know what helps me ? …being in gratitude” and I remembered YES GRATITUDE… I don’t think that was a random message! But oh the kindness the world has shared with me this week reminded me to stay the course! A woman even came up to me and blessed me in Spanish and complimented my crocs ( I don’t even know how to speak Spanish) lol As I end this week I feel grateful. I had a friend who took me to an art festival just to see me smile! And there I saw my elementary Art teacher and it reminded me why I wanted to be an artist… even though she didn’t remember me .. my enthusiasm lit up her face because I was so excited to see her …that day it seemed like everything fell in my favor. I know things are going to be ok.. and I can say it and mean it! I did my Gal in the glass read…the first time I did it last year I bawled like a new born baby.. I have come such a long way … I know it’s a progression.. but I will get to where I need to be.. I can be so mean to myself sometimes. I hurt my feelings more then anyone and that’s the truth.. becoming friends with myself and recognizing and reflecting new things to myself is really changing my outlook on life.. I am truly grateful for this week. Also scroll two is my favorite scroll so just starting that this week was honestly very lovely…

“I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars. I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge.”

“I will greet this day with love in my heart and I will succeed.”


Crystal Ann Magaña


WEEK 5- Breath of Light?

I went to a healing circle this past weekend on a whim. I had heard of them before but never been to one or knew what they were rooted in.  I suppose they are all different. This one was rooted in Native American Traditions. I still didn’t know what that meant! lol but it called to me. It was held in a beautiful art studio. I walked in ready  to learn…my hopes for support were high but I walked in with a mind full of opinions and assumptions of what it would be.   “Maybe this will be fun!” I told myself.. “sounds interesting..” these thoughts pulled me down a corridor to a room  filled with a circle of chairs about 20… “If I didn’t like it I would never have to go again…” I calmed myself… The circle of twenty random people all ages gave their intentions for this first meeting  and introduced themselves.  “Hi! my name is Panda! My intentions are for freedom and to give myself permission to be happy.” is what I stated. I gave a slight smirk.

(As I write this I want you to know that I am on day 31 of being completely faithful to the exercises.) I am very proud of myself.

The first person shared in the circle about holding resentment for her mother and so did the next with a similar situation. The lead  host did an exercise with them.. so simple. She placed a chair in front of them and told them to imagine the person they were in conflict with in the chair… and to express their grievances to that person aloud. (I thought “how trivial this is.. and that it wasn’t going to work)  She then handed them a wash cloth and simply asked them to make themselves aware of their body… they pinpointed where the stress had accumulated and she asked them to show her how it felt by twisting the towel.  One of the ladies twisted her towel so tight… almost into a knot. She  then told them to say aloud “This is what I am doing to my body.”  after they did that one lady stated her back pain went away …the other that the tension in her shoulders left her. I watched on very skeptical.

The lead host then asked who wants to go next? I looked around as everyone was too shy to share. I raised my hand eagerly with a big smile on my face. I really wanted to see if this circle thing was going to be a thing for me. I knew what I was about to share was going to be heavy.. it wasn’t about grievances with anyone else…it was about grievance with myself. So I put “myself” into the chair. I stared at this empty chair and I imagined myself.. but it wasn’t a real reflection.. it took the shape of a faint little black cloud.. it didn’t even fill the chair. It talked to me instead of the other way around … she asked me what did it say.. it basically told me to shut up I’m making a fool out of myself… it wanted me to  shut up. I wanted me to shut up. (Mainly because I felt like I didn’t know what I was talking about) My throat started to close and  I felt like I couldn’t breathe and she told me to breathe… the self hatred… and self pity came out and my body started to tense up mainly in my shoulders. She asked me how did I feel and big tears started to stream down my face. I couldn’t find the words for this agony. She gave me the towel and I ringed it pretty good and then  a tingling sensation started to go down my back. I had felt that feeling before it usually made my body more sensitive to touch and sound when that happens. But then something unexpected happend… she asked once again how does your body feel and just before I could say “tense” something shifted in me.

My chest became engulfed in a black hole. (Best way I could describe it) I told her “IT MOVED!” and she asked how that felt and I told her like a deep tunnel with air rushing through it. I was so intensely focused… a woman’s laugh on the other side of the room brought me back and just like that the tunnel was gone and the stress returned to my shoulders . I had never felt anything like that in my life! I told the lead. That’s where we stopped in order to get feedback from the group. My tears immediately dried and I put a smile on my face.. and I was genuinely eager to hear feedback from the others. Two people stated that they couldn’t breathe when I was sharing because they knew how I felt. At that moment I didn’t feel alone.

Feedback is not advice..its just what the other person experienced. I don’t know what I experienced that day and I still think I might have  made it up in my  head. But what was so profound was the light at the end of the tunnel and what felt like the breathe of life. (I literally thought my hair was blowing as the air was surging through that tunnel but it wasnt…) That experience gave me tension for the rest of the day. When it came time to do my readings just before bedtime …all tension was released. I felt so grateful… This occurred Sunday morning for me and I feel like it was a great way to start the week…In someway I experienced detachment from what I want to detachment from! The healing circle really reminds me to be the quiet observer and to keep good intentions.

I am in no way trying to influence you but to share my experiences and my google searches on what the hell happend. Lol So here was an article I found that was similar to what I experienced if you care to read it…this really is a journey for me as I am still finding myself… and making myself whole… Seems like one of my PPNs definitely changed to spiritual growth…

Thanks for reading!



Like Mark says

Peace be the journey!


Crystal Ann Magaña


WEEK 4- Eliminating Fear

I was always a fearful child which led to me being a fearful adult. I walked on eggshells and coward away from social situations. Social situations brought out my awkwardness and inarticulate nature….it made people look at me with confusion.. puzzled by this performance I gave to be acceptable.

Judgment, abandonment and criticisms followed which I devoured like strawberry cake.. Natural body highs from the constant chemicals filled my being which also fed constant suffering thoughts like “when will this end..”  Constant stress led to conditions in my body and manifestations of traumatic situations…  I instilled self-pity and created personality traits that became my security blanket. I played the blame game.. one too many times… In retrospect I did it all with thought and immense feeling which solidified this casement of cement.

As I write this now it isn’t with a heavy heart like it used to be. I am able to see it from the outside and have compassion for the person I used to be. Eliminating fear truly sounds like Nirvana. I know we are all on our way and it makes me grateful. 😀 I don’t say these things to reiterate a sad story I used to tell… but to give hope that change is possible. I know not all of y’all are coming from the same place..we are all beautifully different. But my sense of humanity and compassion makes me want to say that you’re not alone and we are all one and there is an abundance of support here!

I have been taking steps to eliminating fear. At the beginning of the week I attended a music event for local artist Nina Diaz I was able to walk myself right over and talk to her (something I would never do) she was super sweet. I think we are best friends now loljk but I admire her because she’s raw and her music is gritty, she is also in the process of finding herself.. she expresses herself wonderfully through song. I am sharing one of her songs that  I am stuck on at the moment called “Down” we often are the ones pushing ourselves down and to that I say get up! 😀  There is also a line that says “I am afraid of myself” we are our biggest critics and it is important we get to know and love ourselves! Do things you have never done before and start creating new neuropathways! Also I would like to share my image of the yellow square I have been seeing everyday to serve as a reminder to DO IT NOW! It is  a patch of light I see every day in the parking garage from my perspective the buildings are cutting the sky into a yellow square just for pandaguuuurrrrllll  (I thought I’d never see a yellow square lol)

Nina Diaz “Down”

Thanks for reading!


I love and approve of myself.

Crystal Ann Magaña


WEEK 3- Create Your Own Happiness

My dear friend gave me this journal about three years ago. It was never used.. really until this year… I’d always read the cover aloud… Create.. Your… Own… Happiness… and I’d always scoff at the notion because I always thought life was being unfair to me… I’d always look at my life and look at the journal and wonder how does one even do that?!… At that time in my life my friend and I who were in the same sinking mental boat would have countless unproductive conversations centered about “traditional psychology” (Because my two years of psychology courses in college made me an expert lol) and loving one’s self. Sometimes the conversations would leave us even more frustrated and stuck deeper in our boy problems!

To this day I still think fondly of my friend ..but unfortunately we don’t talk anymore. I have learned so much from doing this course and it just seems like the knowledge of the universe is never ending.. so it excites my will to read and learn… and oh there is so much to learn and take in! I haven’t felt this way in so many years! I had always believed I needed fixing ever since I was a little panda. Who knew that loving yourself was the answer?! I sure didn’t!

I’m filled with so much gratitude as I write this. I am truly on a journey to create not only Happiness but abundance, health, and prosperity! My two PPNs are Liberty and Recognition for Creative Expression. My light shines brighter every day!

The progression in week three has been enjoyable, the one thing I made myself aware of was that I wasn’t reading with enough ENTHUSIASM… and I always hear Marky J. in my head… so on Wednesday I decided to give it the good old try and man I think I impressed my Subby lol I am a person who talks with her hands, so it was almost like a theatrical play production!  I was so good and it felt so good. lol The sit I found interesting, as I am now starting to get glimpses of shapes and colors (Red and White this week) doesn’t occur all the time but its intriguing and another thing to do research on. I have two wonderful mastermind partners! They are great motivators! Of course I had my down moments this week but you know what?! They aren’t as prominent.  I hope to write about the healing work I’m doing in the weeks to come. For right now I’d like to leave you with an affirmation that has been on my mind lately

“I change my life when I change my thinking. I am Light. I am Spirit. I am a wonderful, capable being. And it is time for me to acknowledge that I create my own reality with my thoughts. If I want to change my reality, then it is time for me to change my mind.” ~ Louise Hay

My journal is now full of Affirmations and resources that help guide me to where I want to beeeeeeeeeeeee 😀

Thanks for reading! Let your light shine!


Crystal Ann Magaña


WEEK 2-BuTtErFly KiSsEs

I would like to start off with an experience I had this week. I often listen to spiritual talks on YouTube to help me guide my thoughts to a general positive state of mind…. More often than not I hear people talk about butterflies, most manifesting butterflies to play with. I don’t see butterflies in my experience quite often so I decided to ask for some of that! I wanted to play with Butterflies too Damnit! Lol

I went to an amusement park by myself here in town to ride my favorite roller coaster…. Ok so after riding in the front I got back in line to ride in the back, the line was uneven..the guy in front of me was also riding by himself I asked him if he would like some company on the ride he said sure! And as he turned around I saw a beautiful monarch butterfly tattooed on the back of his neck. It was so pretty! We spent all night riding roller coasters together, laughing and talking. There was my butterfly!  It truly made my heart swell. Little things like that keep popping into my experience where I used to think it was a coincidence. But really nothing is coincidence. I really love the little delights in life… but it also makes me excited for the bigger things that will come into my experience as I hone in on my own inner power.

Reading OG and getting organized was therapeutic for me this time around whereas the first time it was VERY overwhelming. Not anymore! I took one of my nephew’s backpacks that he grew out of and filled it with my binders and books, on the front it says “Unleash the power!” the perfect backpack because in lesson two it talks a lot about our inner power.  I would just suggest to organize things in a way that brings you joy! All my materials are covered in Lisa frank Art stickers and posters imagery I am truly a child at heart! But everything has become a joy to perform! I found myself quoting OG to my mom the other day because she said I didn’t look tired! I do admit I have more energy.. Slowly but surely everything is seeping into that mysterious source which never sleeps.

When I sit the sensations of butterfly kisses come to mind …affectionate with faint flutters….

I am grateful for this day!



Crystal Ann Magaña



Hello everybody! I am back for a second round! The first time around I didn’t give 110% to the exercises. But this time I’m giving 120%! Because I know wholeheartedly that they are going to help me achieve my goals in life.

I realized that I was able to get myself into a joyful… blissful..state a majority of the time towards the end of this course and at that point a lot of things  had manifested for me including  abundance in friendships, trips, and experiences. My life felt like a roller coaster that I created… (A good fun one, mind you)

I have been going nonstop since I finished this course last April, as I look back on those experiences it helped me see that I should give more feelings of gratitude to future experiences. Something I would like to share with you is that when the roller coaster would come down at the end of each night I would realize that I still have a sense of loneliness and unworthiness… I would reflect on how great my day had been and people I had met along the way. Bottom line is that I am not using the mechanism that I have in my mind to its full potential. I haven’t spent enough time getting to know my inner being and it’s something I don’t want to be detached from any longer. I have pinpointed that I have a poor self-image.

Personally, my poor self-image has been running my life for the 31 years I have been alive. It’s a hard thing to admit but I am grateful that I am aware of it. Since the exercises in this course implement Auto suggestion and self-suggestion I feel like I will find the success I want to achieve. The support of a community and repetitiveness of the exercises are only going to benefit me and it just makes me feel like GREAT change is just around the corner!

“… in truth the few moments spent each day on this new habit are but as small price to pay for the happiness and success that will be mine!” “Today my old skin has become as dust I will walk tall among men and they will know me not, for today I am a new woman with a new life!”-OG Mandino




Crystal Ann Magaña


WEEK 24- Mourning Tea

The other morning…I pulled myself out of my sleep and I woke up saying aloud “I need to change to be able to create”… it kind of freaked me out for a little bit because I never really wake up from my sleep that way. It felt similar to one of those dreams where you wake up from the falling sensation… But I have just been going over so much material that I am dreaming about it… I’ve had so many dreams of source and just having comfort and no worries in those dreams…They also brought feelings of safety…it was oddly satisfying…. This past week was very challenging for me… My body’s hormones become very imbalanced now and then. My thoughts take on the condition of my body and I spiral out of control mentally.. this week I focused on being greater then my body and it worked….. I brought my body eventually to a calm present state…I am proud of how far I have come… also on a pleasant note I got another message that made me smile and it’s my featured pic this week it came from my morning Tea it said “Nature does not hurry yet everything is accomplished.”-Lao Tzu Which reminded me of this weeks webinar talking about the bees 🐝 and how they do their lil dance… and it creates all this life and beauty… right now I am just amazed by all the little miracles around me and the serendipities that come my way…. I got to go in the middle of a hockey rink this week 🙂 and dance like nobody was watching… well in fact I was blindfolded and everyone saw lmao I was randomly selected for a dance game but none the less me being chosen at random was a fun surprise! Lol I feel like I continue to go through the cycle of life and death of my old self and it’s interesting how much more aware I become… I am loving it!

Love always,



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